Back to December
by KukamuLover101
Summary: Amu and Kukai and attacked by depression. They have been away from each other for 9 months...Both still love each other, but will Amu be able to speak her love for him again? Or will they be apart forever?  *ONE-SHOT, SONG-FIC* Hope you like it & Review!


**KukamuLover101: Hi Hi! I'm so happy that I have another story! You guys can call me Aki-chan id KukamuLover101 is too long! Anyways, this is a Kukamu! I luvs them... :)**

**Amu: Aki-chan...Is this going to be a sad story?**

**Aki-chan: Sorry to break it to you, but it is...**

**Kukai: Why? That's sad... *sniffs***

**Aki-chan: Don't worry! It will be fine in the end! Now do the DC!**

**Amu: Fine...**

**Kukai: Come on, Amu...**

**Kukai and Amu: Nothing belongs to Aki-chan/KukamuLover101 except the plot...**

**All: Enjoy~!**

* * *

><p><em>~I'm so glad you made time to see me<br>How's life?  
>Tell me how's your family<br>I haven't seen them for a while~_

* * *

><p>A 15 year old Amu Hinamori sighed as she fell upon her bed. She just came back from a date with Tadase, her current boyfriend. She looked around gloomily until her eyes hit upon her dresser to see a picture of Kukai Soma, her ex, and her smiling with glistening snowflakes in their hair and pink tinted cheeks. She remembered all the years they spent together and tried to swallow the tears that were forcing to come out. All of a sudden her cell phone rings to see Kukai's name flash on the screen. She took it reluctantly and presses the accept button. "H-Hello?"<p>

"Hey Amu," She heard him reply. She yearned for him again. '_What are you doing Amu, your'e dating Tadase now! Kukai is the past, Tadase is now!' _

"U-Um…Hi Kukai…" She said awkwardly.

"How have you been Hinamori?" She felt all warm again, her cheeks became pinker by each word.

"Good, how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while…"

"Um…They've been great. Wait…I…g-gotta tell you something first. I-"

"No Kukai, I wanna say something first. Thanks for…f-for making time to talk to me after _that,_" she said quickly then hung up while feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. _'What's wrong with me, I can't have feelings for him, right?' _Amu thought. Kukai on the other hand, smiled cheekily and laughed. "I miss ya Amu…"

* * *

><p><em>~You've been good, busier than ever<br>__We small talk, work and the weather  
>Your guard is up and I know why~<em>

* * *

><p><strong> Amu's POV<br>** At school the next day, I was walking to my locker to pack up my stuff and go home, until someone rushed into me. I fell to the ground, and my butt really…HURT. I growled, got up, and dusted myself off. I glared around and saw a boy with russet hair and leaf green eyes burn into my skin. "Hey Kukai," I said with my cool and spicy tone. I helped him up and picked up his books. I never looked at his eyes. As I was picking his books up, I could see from the corner of my eye he was observing me, viewing the bad details and the good.. "What Soma?"

"U-Um…Nothing…" He stood up at took his books from me. "Thanks Amu."

"No prob." I started walking away. "Hey, wait up!" I turned around finding Kukai trying to catch up with me. "What's with all of this stuff Kukai!" I caught a book that fell and started grabbing my bag out from my locker.

"Sorry…I'm just busy a lot now…Ya know, with soccer, basketball, track, and school work…It's torture!" He whined. After his statement, it was silent as we walked through the hallway. His excuse made me wide-eyed. I remember that day…

** ~Flashback~ *3 years ago, Amu's POV (A/N: I don't have the exact quotes, but the general idea of them, I looked on the internet for them...)*  
><strong> Kukai and I walked through the park while eating ice cream. "So, you lost faith in being the Joker?"

"Yeah…" We walked over to a bench and plopped down onto it. "Really, I don't know…Maybe, I don't know what my 'true self' is. My character-" I was interrupted my the cold icy touch of Kukai's ice cream.

"Baka. Me too. I don't know what my 'true self' is either," he said calmly.

"Really?"

"I'm still trying to decide if I should join the soccer team, basketball team, or track and field…"

"That's it?..."

"What do you mean by 'That's it'? It's a big deal!"

"Well, you were the captain of the soccer team, so I presumed…"

"I love soccer and I was asked to join, but…Playing soccer looks like my 'true self', what people can see me do, but…I want to try and find more of myself. I don't know what being my 'true self' is. But it's a lot more fun this way, don't cha' think?"

"Even if you don't...know who you are?"

"Yeah, not knowing what your 'true self' means that you can become anything you want to be, ne?" He paused and gave me a sweet bright smile. He continued,"Diachi was born from these feelings of mine. Wanting to find out how far I could go, what challenges I could take on. My shugo chara was born from those feelings."

"…Even if you get lost…? Even if you're not sure of yourself…?" I looked up at him. Golden absorbing green. He smiled his sweet smile yet again. He cheered optimistically:

** "Of course!"**

He shined me a toothy grin and a thumbs up. I paused and met his eyes once again. I hesitantly kissed his cheek and smiled.

"Arigato, Kukai." He blushed in reply and gave me a small smile.

"Arigato, Amu." He smiled, kissed my forehead, and embraced me into a hug. "Anything to make you happy…"  
><strong> ~End of Flashback~<strong>

I stared forward, thinking of our scene. I noticed we haven't talked at all. "S-So…How have you been?" I looked away from his face and stared at my shoes, trying to recover from the moment we shared. It felt so awkward…

"Oh…I've been good! I have a lot of sports now…But at least the weather is nice enough to play in!" He replied optimistically, yet there was sadness in his voice. He kept his head down and his eyes were saddened while he walked by me.

"K-Kukai?" He seemed to loose his happy-go-lucky personality for a moment. I stared at him for a few seconds until his eyes jerked up.

"Oh, um…Yeah?" he replied nervously. What was he thinking about? I felt my head snap up in realization. Maybe that's why…

* * *

><p><em>~Cause the last time you saw me<br>__Is still burned in the back of your mind  
>You gave me roses and I left them there to die~ <em>

* * *

><p>Is that why he's troubled? I frowned as I thought of it. It was because of our...<p>

** ~Flashback~ *December, Amu's POV*  
><strong> I walked back home from Rima's house. _'She couldn't make me feel better. Yaya's hyper-ness couldn't make me feel better either…' _I felt a deep sigh escape my lips. '_How could it end like this? Why Kami-sama?'_ The all of a sudden, I felt a drop of water hit my nose. I looked up at the sky raining and felt a depressing mood flood over me. I walked slowly, feeling my heart die every step. I felt so lonely…Ran…Miki…But, Su and Dia remained with me. Su seemed like she was loosing power, looking at me hopefully to see if I would change...I feel so alone…I looked up and saw that I reached my destination. I shuffled into the house and into the bathroom to get my towel. I walked back downstairs and fell into the couch. I dried my hair slowly and grabbed my brush. I brushed my long pink hair that ended to my mid-back. I let another sigh escape my lips.

"Amu-chan, every time you sigh, you lose 5 minutes of happiness…Don't forget about your radiance, Amu," Dia said sadly as she looked at a weak Su, trying to support her body.

"Gomen Dia. I j-just miss Kukai so much…He's so amazing and sweet, I just miss everything that we had…If I wasn't jealous and said all of those things, I wouldn't be feeling like-"

_ 'DING, DONG!' _

"Hai! I'm coming!" I said flatly. I opened the door to find the person that I really want to see, but wanted to avoid at the same time. Kukai Soma. He was soaking wet and his clothes were wrinkled, like he ran around too much. He stared in to my eyes intently, like he was trying to look into my soul. "What do you want Kukai?" I asked miserably. "I though we were…we were…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"I-I know, but I wanted to give you these..." His voice cracked from my attitude. He gently handed bright pink roses. I took them without hesitation.

"Is that all? If it is," I started closing the door, "you can leave." As I was about to close it more, I felt his foot bump the bottom of the door.

"Wait a second Amu, I have to tell you something." I could tell by the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes that he was dead serious. His eyes seemed to be in a daze, in deep thought trying to figure out what to say. I stood silent, but I wanted to hear his voice more. His lips parted and let a sigh slip out. His eyes then gazed into my golden orbs once again. Determination and sorrow filled his eyes, yet a tiny bit of happiness was there. He gave me a small smile.

"I still love you, and you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. You were and still are the source of my happiness. I know that we have parted, but I won't cry and be in despair. I'll stay strong for the both of us. If you hate me I'll accept it. If you move on, I'll smile because you're happy. I'm still in love with you, and when ever you smile, I'll be joyful. Because the only one I will ever love will be you. I want you to be happy where ever you go and what ever you do. It may take a while until we feel comfortable to talk to each other and be friends again. I just hope I get a second chance with you in the future. For now be happy, I'd hate to see you sad. And if you ever need a friend, call me, I'll be glad to help…" He ended with a whisper and smiled at me, the sweet gentle smile that was only for my eyes only.

"Kukai…I still love you too, but this is for the best. I-I…I just don't feel ready…I-I'm sorry Kukai…I-I j-just…" I felt my voice run away. I just stood there looking up at my ex. I felt my eyes become watery and I became light-headed. "Kukai…I m-missed you!" I flung my arms around his neck and cried. Cried like there was tomorrow. He didn't flinch or cringe, but he sniffled and wrapped his arms around me. The roses were long forgotten on the floor.

"Yeah, I do too…I don't want to see you sad, ok? If you start crying I will too, Amu…" His voice sounded hoarse and cracked at the end, like he was on the verge crying. I soon felt something wet on my forehead. I looked up to see Kukai, trying to hold back his tears. Some started to leak through his eyes. His face looked pained and depressed. He tried to hold back his tears, they were threatening to come out. He whispered,"I promised that I wouldn't cry and be strong for the both of us…But now you see me here, crying…I'm just not strong without you, but I'll just have to deal with it right?" More tears leaked through his eyes. I clutched his body more, showing how much I needed him. I wanted to absorb his pain, so he would be back to the happy-go-lucky person he was. I didn't want him to be tortured by my feelings. His head dipped into the crook of my neck slowly. His grip tightened around my waist, tears free falling from his eyes…I rubbed his back soothingly.

"Kukai…" He looked up at me with tears falling down his tan cheeks. I wiped them away gently. "I don't want you to be sad either. I want you to be happy again. I wouldn't want to see you sad either, ne? Let's not make each other sad, Kukai…" I kissed him with passion, giving all my happiness to him. He was surprised, but finally kissed back. We had to let go for air, but frowns plastered over our faces again. I would have smiled, but I remembered our…  
><strong> ~End of Flashback~ <strong>

…Break up.

* * *

><p><em>~So this is me swallowing my pride<br>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"  
>And I'd go back to December all the time~<em>

* * *

><p>I couldn't take it anymore! My feelings were threatening to burst out of my mouth. Suddenly, I felt a tingling sensation rush over my cheeks. Was I blushing? I slowly reached my hands up to my cheeks. The first touch made me immediately blush harder. I looked over to see Kukai staring with a amused smile on his face. I growled and turned my face away from his view. He chuckled and ruffled my hair. Maybe if I just take a deep breath, I can let it all out. I swallowed down all the pride I had left and put it aside. I stopped, causing Kukai to stop as well. I turned to face him slowly. He looked at me questionably,"Amu?" I shook my head, my face glued on the floor.<p>

"Me first," I said quietly. He looked at me puzzled once again. I rose my head steadily and looked into his emerald green eyes. I let a sigh pass through my parted lips. "Kukai…I-I'm sorry about…about…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. A shocked expression plastered onto his face, then it softened. He gave me his special sweet bright smile he only gives to me. Only for my eyes to see. "It's fine…Tell me when you're ready…" He kissed my forehead and walked a long first, to his soccer practice. My eyes went wide-eyed. What just happened?

* * *

><p><em>~It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you<br>Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright<br>I'd go back to December all the time~ _

* * *

><p>I sat on my bed, wondering where the Kukai I knew went. Has he lost his freedom when we parted ways? Realization struck to my mind. If I have realized my love and what I had when we were dating. I was happier, I had more, joy, more happiness, more smiles, laughter, and freedom also. I used to have talks with his friends and sport club members, but now since I'm not his girlfriend anymore, they stopped talking to me. The boy soccer club also avoided me. I had made some good friends with some of the members. I wish it was December so I could fix all of my mistakes…<p>

* * *

><p><em>~These days I haven't been sleeping<br>Staying up playing back myself leavin'  
>When your birthday passed and I didn't call<br>__And, I think about summer, all the beautiful times  
>I watched you laughing from the passenger side<br>Realized that I loved you in the fall~ _

* * *

><p>The next day, I felt weak and vulnerable. I couldn't open my eyes as much, feeling them droop every step I took. I haven't slept at all last night. Everytime I closed my eyes, Kukai's face popped up, making me jump up awake again. The moment when we broke up replayed over and over in my mind…<p>

** ~Flashback~ *Last year, August 5th*  
><strong> I skipped into the park happily, a surge of happiness enveloped my body. Today was a beautiful sunny day. I walked over near the quiet edge of the park where the Sakura trees swayed. The sunlight made them somehow sparkle, showing a calm feeling over the area. I pranced over to our special bench. As in 'our' I mean Kukai and me. Suddenly, I felt my world crash down before me. My eyes grew wide and a jolt shot through my body. I felt tears threatening to fall out any second. My boyfriend was kissing my good friend Hoshina Utau. She twirled her fingers through his hair, making it messier than it was already. It looked too far from innocent. "K-Kukai…?" Utau looked up and gasped. Kukai looked up at me with sad eyes.

"Amu…" Kukai said. That's when I snapped.

"Why Kukai! Why would you do this to me! I loved you, and then y-you do this to me! Make out with Utau!" I screamed. They both looked taken back.

"Amu…It's not-" Utau started, but I didn't bother to listen.

"And you Utau. Why would you do this also! You are-Wait let me rephrase that. You _WERE _one of my best friend. Damn both of you. I hate you guys!" I ran away at top speed to my special tree. I ran and bumped into it. I leaned onto it and slid down until my butt landed on the lush grass. I let out my tears and cried, cried until there was no more. Suddenly, I saw hazel hair flash and a pair of sad green eyes to match. I stared blackly at him, stood up, and ran away. He finally caught up to me and tried to catch his breath. I scowled at him.

"Amu! Listen to me please…" he whispered.

"No Kukai. Leave me alone." I started walking away, until he grabbed my wrist. I roughly shook his arm off and faced away from him. We were silent until I spoke. "Why? …Why would you do this to me Kukai? I-I thought we loved each other…You just want to through it away like that!"

"Look Amu, you got it all wrong. Just please listen to-"

"No! You had your chance and you ruined it! Why don't you just go make out with your beloved Utau again? You know what! J-Just go away! I don't want to see you any more! Just get out of my life…"

"Amu, please don't do this…" He whispered sadly.

"You had your chance, but you ruined it, Soma Kukai." I repeated coldly. I walked away slowly, until I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I love you…" he whispered with sadness and pain. My eyes widened as I turned around to see Kukai in tears. I flinched painfully, feeling his pain and sadness flow into my heart. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, but I restrained my self from doing so. I turned around quickly and left the scene. I ran home, ignoring the peoples yells and car honks.

"I love you too…But, what is done, is done…" I whispered feeling my tears rushing over my face.  
><strong> ~End of Flashback~ <strong>

I remember I never said 'Happy Birthday' to him on his birthday. How fast something nice can break within a few seconds…I remember our fun summer time dates and how he would be laughing on the passenger side when I drove my car and he made me blush…I still loved him in the fall time, but what is done is done…

* * *

><p><em>~Then the cold came, the dark days When fear crept into my mind<br>You gave me all your love and all  
>I gave you was "Goodbye"~ <em>

* * *

><p>I walked through school, getting to my next class. I frowned as I remembered…all of the sadness and depression I went through…<p>

** ~Flashback~ *In January*  
><strong> I sat in my bed, feeling to frozen from my depression. It feels like my world turned to dark, like there was no more purpose to my life. I saw them all leave…one by one. First, Ran…Then, Miki…Finally, Su and Dia are my only shugo chara left. I clutched a pink pillow, feeling the wetness on my hands. Yes, I cried and cried at home. Everyday, reminding how much Kukai loved me and I was to blind about my feeling to learn about his side of the story. I wouldn't be here right now, crying everyday if I hadn't been so…so stupid. I would be smiling and laughing. But, no…That's not my life anymore. I keep lying to Yaya, Rima, Nagi, and Tadase. I felt my eyes close tightly, trying to keep the tears in. He really did love me…more than anyone did. He would protect me, make me laugh, make me smile, stop my crying. He gave me all of his love…But I just said…

**"Goodbye." **

** ~End of Flashback~**

I frowned sadly at the thought. I'm so horrible…

* * *

><p><em>~So this is me swallowing my pride<br>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"  
>And I'd go back to December all the time~<em>

* * *

><p>The next day, I tried to ask him again. I ran to the soccer field to see him practicing with his team, as the captain of the soccer team of course. "Kukai!" I waved to him. He smiled and ran over to me. I looked up to him and tried to smile, but I failed miserably. He noticed and put his hand on my shoulders.<p>

"Are you ok, Amu?"

"Yeah…" I smiled uneasily. He smiled back his special smile.

"So, is there something on your mind?" I gave him a small nod.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say that…I-I'm sorry a-about t-that-"

"Kukai! Hurry up!" many of his teammates screamed. Some even ran over. I recognized their faces, but didn't remember their names.

"Hinamori? What are you doing here?" One of them asked.

"I-I had to tell K-Kukai something…" I mumbled. "I'll just be out of your way then…" I walked away sadly. I heard Kukai yell,"What did ya do that for? We were talking! Didn't your mom teach you manners!" I giggled at his behavior and smiled. It was so funny when he lost his cool…

* * *

><p><em>~It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you<br>Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine  
><em>_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright  
>I'd go back to December all the time~<em>

* * *

><p>I walked home, giggiling slightly. Suddenly, silence came over me. I wished he could be mine again. Being able to be happy, loved…I want to be friends with his teammates again…I should have realized all of my memories before I carelessly broke up with him. I wish it would be December again…Trying to fix all of my mistakes…I would still had Ran, Miki, and Su. Before I know it…Dia will disappear too…I frowned and walked into my house, sadly.<p>

* * *

><p><em>~I miss you tanned skin, your sweet smile,<br>So good to me, so right  
>And how you held me in your arms<br>That September night  
><em>_The first time you ever saw me cry~ _

* * *

><p>I sat on my bed once again, imagining Kukai. Everywhere I see screams out Kukai…I miss his tan arms clutching onto my body when I cried. I missed his bright sweet optimistic smile shine over me, washing happiness all over my body. His smile brought happiness to my soul, just like it was feeding it good. It felt so right when he would smile to me. I missed how he would hug me in September…I was crying because…because…<p>

_**That was the day I lost Ran...**_

* * *

><p><em>~Maybe this is wishful thinking<br>Probably mindless dreaming  
>If we loved again I swear I'd love you right…~ <em>

* * *

><p>Maybe…Just maybe, my wishes to bring Kukai back to me…May come true someday…If I had a second chance with him, I swear to Kami-sama, that I would love him right…<p>

* * *

><p><em>~I'd go back in time and change it<br>But I can't  
>So if the chain is on your door<br>I understand~ _

* * *

><p>I would go back in time…To fix all of my mistakes…I would change that day of our break up…<p>

**But…I can't…**

So, if I'm not welcome into your house anymore…I understand…

* * *

><p><em>~But this is me swallowing my pride<br>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"  
>And I'd go back to December...~<em>

* * *

><p>The next day, I woke up, with so much confidence and happiness. That hasn't happened in a long time. I smiled and dressed into my uniform. I ran to school, going period through period. Everyone was suprised that I was smiling and being happy. I giggled at their wide eyes. When it was lunch time, I ran outside to find Kukai. "Kukai! Kukai!" I ran around looking for him. I finally saw him eating with his soccer teammates. "Kukai!" He saw me and smiled. One of his friends told him something and nudged his arm playfully. A blush formed over his face as he shook his head. He ran over to me.<p>

"Hey, Amu! Do you want something?" I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Kukai…I love you and I can't let you go. I'm sorry for that day because I never even listened to you. I let my feeling get ahead of me. I'm sorry. I-I miss you too much…" I looked up at his face to see shock, but happiness in his eyes. I smiled softly and continued. "Kukai, I have to tell you something…I should have told you this a long time ago…" I took another deep breath. "Kukai…Ran, Miki, and Su left me 3 months after we broke up. I have gotten depressed over time and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I made a big mistake and I thought about it for a long time. I'm so sorry Kukai…" I said. He gave me his sweet gentle smile and hugged me.

* * *

><p><em>~It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you<br>__Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright<br>I'd go back to December all the time, turn around and change my own mind~ _

* * *

><p>"I love you too. To tell you the truth…I have gotten depressed too. I almost lost Daichi a few times too…I still love you, even though is has almost been like what, a year since we broke up? I'm sorry too…" he whispered into my ear. So, his freedom and happiness was sucked from his heart too. Freedom was missing us <em>both<em>…We were _both_ wishing about each other and our memories. We would _both_ want to go back to December. I smiled at my thoughts and kissed him. I wanted him and only him. He kissed back. I let go and put my forehead to his.

"I love you, Soma Kukai."

"I love you too, Hinamori Amu." He whispered as he kissed me again.

* * *

><p><em>~I'd go back to December all the time<br>All the time~ _

* * *

><p>We both let go and smiled at each other.<p>

**"I Love You."**

* * *

><p><strong>Aki-chan: Aw...So sad and cute! *sniff*<strong>

**Amu: Kukai...That was so sad! *hugs Kukai***

**Kukai: Yeah, I hope that never happens to us ever again! *hugs back***

**Aki-chan: Please review! I hope you liked it!**

**All: Bye Bye!**


End file.
